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I forgot to share Part 2 (#s 6 - 10) of why Americans like us are jumping ship in the USA before retirement. Hope it is helpful!

But what happens when you wake up the next day, or the day after that, and the “Wayfinder” is still stuck somewhere in customs? Now that the raging malignant narcissist on a dementia spiral and domestic abuser in chief has given us a reprieve from wondering whether or not this is the day the world ends, let’s talk about the day after “be a quilt” day.

Lately, I’ve been staring at the increasingly empty walls of my studio. It’s supposed to be a blank canvas in preparation for my new French reality but some days it just feels like a giant, echoing reminder of everything I haven’t done yet. I want to paint from that bridge in France. I want to wear the beret (not really - maybe a fedora). But right now, the weight of the move, and the frustration that I’m not already sitting in a cafe in Montpellier, feels like it’s glued my hands to my sides.

When you’re a creative person, depression and anxiety don’t just take your energy; they take your tools. That old inner voice inside of you awakens and says if you aren’t producing “The Work,” you aren’t really an artist or a writer. It’s a lie, of course, but it’s a loud one. I’ve learned to utilize a few tools to help myself get back into my creative place.

If you’re in that gap between the Quilt Day and the “Back to Business” day, and the creativity just isn’t flowing, here are a few tips for navigating the fog:

1. Lower the Bar until it’s on the Floor

When I can’t paint a masterpiece, I’ve started giving myself permission to just… scribble, or color in a shape, or print a children’s coloring page. It’s meditative and messy and doesn’t have to be a shareable work of art. If I can’t write a deep Substack article, I write a shopping list in French. It’s not “Art,” but it’s keeping the machinery greased and getting those neurons connecting again. We have to stop expecting a symphony when we only have the energy to hum.

2. Maintenance is a Creative Act

The day after I gave myself permission to be a quilt, I didn’t draw. I didn’t film. But I organized and packed the acrylic brushes I’m taking abroad with me. I touched the bristles and reminded myself how special it was that I still have brushes that belonged to my grandmother and that I’ve had since the early 90s. I reminded my hands what they are capable of. If you can’t create right now, focus on maintenance. Sharpen the pencils. Organize the files. Carry a box around the house and fill it with stuff to donate.

You aren’t “doing nothing”; you’re preparing the cockpit for takeoff.

3. Stop Performing Your Recovery

There’s this sneaky trap where we feel like we have to film our “comeback” or document our walk in the park to prove we’re getting better (believe me, the vlogger in me knows this struggle). But true recovery happens off camera. It’s the walk you don’t film. It’s the sketch you do rip up. It’s okay to have creative moments and clarity that are just for you—no audience, no likes, no “Product.”

4. The “Someday” Folder

My brain is almost always still in overdrive, even when my body is paralyzed. Instead of beating myself up for not executing the ideas, I’m just jotting them down in a “France” notebook. I’m not doing them today. I might not do them next week. But I’m honoring the spark by acknowledging it exists, even if I don’t have the fuel to light the fire yet.

We are all works in progress. Some days we are the vibrant smocked artist painting on the bridge, and some days we are just the gesso—the plain, white base layer waiting for something to happen.

5. Change the Activity to Something New to You

Instead of your normal creative pursuit (for me, it’s drawing, painting, or writing, and sometimes singing), do something that you’re a beginner at or that’s new to you. Try a new recipe or put on a video that teaches a new dance step and try to learn it. Invite friends over to learn a new board game.

If you’re still feeling like a bridge troll today, that’s okay. The Wayfinder is in there; she’s just checking the map.

Take a breath. Do one tiny, “useless” creative thing. And remember: you can be still and content where you are on the way to where you’re going.

NOTE: If you are feeling anxiety or depression for extended periods of time, please seek professional help. If you can’t afford it (been there), don’t be afraid to call the National Depression Hotline at 1-866-629-4564. Another good resource is https://988lifeline.org/

Sometimes, just talking with someone can help you get back to that place of clarity and creativity.

Lots of people just like us (my husband and I, along with our three pets) are preparing to leave the USA (or have already left) before retirement. “Someday” has become a more urgent “now” for various reasons, including the unstable state of our Democracy as well as the untenable cost of living, including health care.

This video is the first part of two. It covers 5 practical (extrinsic) reasons many people, are leaving for parts unknown. The next video will cover more intrinsic (quality of life) reasons people are heading out.

Are you planning on a move abroad from the US, or have you already gone? I would love to hear your comments!

It was over a year ago that my husband and I decided that we needed to move out of the United States and to a country that we had dreamed of living in. I have dreamed of living in France since I was a child. I wanted to be that stereotypical artist standing on a bridge with my beret on my head, wearing an artist’s smock, and painting what I saw in front of me (it was the ‘80s. All we had back then were stereotypes and Tiger Beat magazine).

I was just laying there in bed after a rough evening and a rough night, and I decided that I was just going to stay in bed all day today. By noon, though, my brain was in overdrive and I guilted myself into getting up. But I still felt like I couldn’t move– like I couldn’t do anything or move myself toward the goal of getting to France. My art studio is almost empty. As soon as it is empty, I will be patching little holes, taking down shelves, and painting that room. But I just couldn’t.

Then I thought to myself, well since I’m just sitting here staring at YouTube videos and not getting anything done, I need to actually write the SubStack article I’ve been planning to write. Or, I should edit a video, or film some B-roll footage, or do a little creative sketching because hey, doing something creative every day can actually elevate your mood! Nope–my psyche was NOT having it. I was just full-stop blah, and of course (because it’s me), I was beating myself up about not taking my own advice about how to elevate your mood.

It hit me right about that time. I realized that I have forgotten one crucial thing I give others permission to do, but not myself; I needed to give myself a day to be a freaking quilt. You know, just laying around and providing a warm place for a cat to plop on (only a day, mind you, or becoming a quilt can turn into a life goal). After that one day of doing nothing productive, it’s back to the healthy coping stuff again.

Today, just in case you need it, I’m giving YOU the same permission to be a quilt for a day. If you’re feeling depressed, overwhelmed, and anxious because you’re spinning all of the plates and feel like you’re crashing out–stop spinning–crash out. For one day (I prepared by telling my husband last night that I was “feeling depressed and overwhelmed by the slow pace of moving and I had wanted to be IN FRANCE by my birthday at the end of May and that’s not freaking going to happen so I’m crashing out and will likely be unavailable at all tomorrow, just so you know”).

After getting up out of guilt, I reminded myself that wallowing doesn’t just mean staying in bed all day. It’s giving yourself permission to be non-productive. No goal except breathing in and out and doing whatever it is that re-charges your battery. It could be doing something like reading a favorite book, or vegging out in front of the TV. I took a mid-afternoon walk in a beautiful nearby park with my husband and my dog. It was warm, but there was plenty of shade, we could see geese swimming in the lake, and people fishing on the opposite bank, and by the time we were nearing the end of the walk, my shoulders were relaxing and I was feeling much less like a bridge troll and and a little more like the normally optimistic Wayfinder, helping travelers along their way.

Rather than staying home and feeling guilty that I had accomplished nothing, I got out in nature (scientifically proven to be a mood lifter) and revived myself. I didn’t even film the walk (I do that often for my vlog, but this walk was for me). By the time we arrived home, I was in a headspace to write again. This is the result.

So, dear followers (and future followers), remember, if you’re overwhelmed, feeling depressed, and can’t even bring yourself to do anything productive, give yourself permission to have your own “I’m a quilt” day. I’ll be back soon with tips to bring yourself back TO yourself afterward.

My husband and I are planning a move from the US to France - it’s a lifelong dream, and frankly, with what’s going on in our country right now, the sooner we can move, the better. So why in the world are we still here trying to downsize our lives, repair the house, and get that For Sale sign on the lawn? I recently discovered that even though I am building a business as a writer, artist, and creative coach as well as trying to do all of the other stuff, my pace has quickened in the last week, because the thieves of my energy, or energy vampires, had been dealt with and my emotional and physical energy bumped up.

Now, that doesn’t mean that the orange energy vampire isn’t still out there wrecking our democracy and threatening the rest of the world, but at least he’s not in my emails or my social media. Some of his creepy cult members are, but they’re an easy block.

Today, I want to provide you a handy-dandy field guide to the energy vampires in your life. We’ll start with a few common types of people who steal your energy. These are typically people who lack self-awareness and rely on others to regulate their emotions or provide constant validation or credit from others. Do you recognize any of these folks in your life?

• Gloomy Gus (The Constant Complainer): Gus focuses almost exclusively on negative aspects of his own life (work, relationships, health), but never tries to do anything to improve his lot. He doesn’t just see the glass as half-empty; he’s convinced the water is contaminated and the glass probably has a structural flaw that will eventually cause it to explode in his hand. He’ll spend forty minutes describing the “concerning rattle” in his car engine, but if you suggest a mechanic, he’ll tell you why mechanics are part of a global conspiracy to overcharge him for oil.

• Martyr Mel (The Victim): Mel represents someone who believes the world is perpetually against them and uses their “sob stories” to garner sympathy and attention while avoiding personal accountability. They are the only person in history to be personally victimized by a small cloud. After a fall, they describe a minor scrape on their knee as the elements trying to kill them. When you offer a solution, they sigh and say, “It’s okay, I’m used to being the one who suffers,” while somehow making you feel responsible for gravity’s existence.

• “Me-Instead” Mark (The Narcissist): Mark is a person who centers every conversation on himself, thrives on admiration, and often lacks the empathy to support others in return. You could tell Mark your book just got on the New York Times Bestseller list, and he would interrupt to tell you why your book is a derivative imitation of an article he himself wrote for his college newspaper, and the book HE’S been writing for twenty years is bound to go to number one. He doesn’t listen; he just waits for a keyword he can use as a bridge to talk about his own accomplishments.

• Catastrophe Chloe (The Drama Magnet): Chaos seems to follow her everywhere she goes; she frequently experiences “catastrophes” and expects you to be primary source of emotional support during every crisis. Chloe’s life is a 24-hour “Mean Girls” movie, but with more crying, and she’s convinced it’s a sign that her entire social circle is plotting her downfall. Every “emergency” requires your immediate, soul-crushing intervention except that, by the end of the intervention, she will begin to blame you for her ills.

• Nitpicky Nick (The Criticizer): Nick’s focus is on finding faults in others or in situations, which can often chip away at your confidence and overall mood. You show him your brand-new kitchen, and he immediately points out that one tile is 0.5 millimeters off-center. He’s “just trying to help,” but he helps to make sure you never enjoy anything you own ever, EVER again. Nick often crosses over into Me-Instead Mark’s narcissist tendencies, and can also do gaslighting really well.

• Dictator Debra (The Controller): Debra is someone who attempts to dictate how you should feel or behave, often by invalidating your emotions or giving unsolicited advice. She doesn’t give advice; she gives instructions. She’ll tell you exactly how you’re doing your diet wrong (even if you’ve successfully lost a metric shitton of weight following said diet), all while she’s eating a gluten free, vegan, sugar-filled donut and spouting off about Dr. Ornish’s “heart healthy” plan. If you don’t follow her 12-step program for your own life, she treats it as a personal betrayal.

• Colin the Converser (Constant Talker): Colin, just like the one in What We do in the Shadows, thinks his unending droning monologues about plumbing fixtures in Victorian England or how his new meds have affected his bowel movements, keeps talking until everyone in the room has slowly made an Irish goodbye from the party before he notices he’s alone. Colin also tends be an expert at “mansplaining” to women who are experts in the field he is trying to explain to them.

• Manipulative Michael (The Puppet Master): People like Michael use tactics like guilt trips, passive-aggression, gaslighting, or ultimatums to get what they want. His identifying markings? A slightly-too-charming tilt of the head, frequent use of the phrase “I’m only saying this because I care about you,” and a supernatural ability to remember something embarrassing you said or did in 2014.

Do you recognize any of the above caricatures? Are there any energy vampires you can think of that are not on the above list? My title promised you a field guide to deal with these thieves:

🔦 The Energy Vampire Field Guide: Identification & Containment

If you encounter one of these specimens in the wild (or at a party), use the following protocols to preserve your sanity.

Pro-Tip from a Non-Licensed Mental Health Veteran: If all else fails, remember the “Grey Rock” Method. Become as interesting and responsive as a common backyard rock. Eventually, the vampire will flutter away in search of a “tastier” target with more emotional juice to drain.

Now, to conclude this already long novella, let’s talk about your Decontamination Protocol, for you to re-gain equilibrium after you’ve escaped the clutches of one of these people. Follow these steps:

1. The Physical Shake-Off: Literally shake your arms and legs like a wet golden retriever. It may look and feel ridiculous, but it tells your nervous system the “threat” has left the building.

2. The “No-Advice” Zone: Go 30 minutes without giving or receiving a single piece of advice. If your cat looks at you expectantly, ignore it.

3. The Sound of Silence: Turn off the podcasts and all social media. The last thing you need after your encounter is more human voices in your face.

4. Hydrate (But Make it Spiteful): Drink a glass of water specifically because Dictator Debra said you didn’t need to.

5. The “I’m Not a Bad Person” Confirmation: Have a quick chat with a “Normal Human” friend just to confirm that you are, in fact, a pleasant person who is allowed to get whatever body art you want (This, friends, is what I did after my recent deflated feeling and finally shaking off the emotional vampire. It was so refreshing to talk to someone who could laugh with me and we could fill each other up without sticking a pin in the balloon - I’m looking at you Terry).

I hope you’ve been entertained along this little jaunt, and also informed. May you all have a happy week ahead, with no energy vamps in your future.

I’ve been building my business — here on Substack and on YouTube — while simultaneously decluttering our house, making repairs to get it ready to list, and still bringing in enough money to pay my end of the bills, all with the end goal of getting to France. It’s a lot of plates spinning. So when I started feeling drained, losing confidence, procrastinating, and sliding into a low-grade discouragement, I blamed the workload.

It wasn’t just the workload.

When I actually stopped and took stock of where my energy was going, I realized a significant chunk of it was being handed over to someone who had become exhausting to interact with. I’m a direct communicator; I say what I mean, I mean what I say, and you don’t need a degree in literary analysis or a secret decoder ring to understand me. (I’m from the Midwest. We don’t do subtext.) That directness apparently read as suspicious to this particular person, who consistently found ways to misconstrue what I said, accused me of encroaching on their “territory,” and kept me in a loop of explaining and defending myself.

I don’t do that. Not anymore. I’m 59 years old and I have exactly zero interest in walking on eggshells around someone who has decided I’m one of the villains in a story I’m not even in.

Once I recognized the pattern — the temporary calm, the recycled accusations, the energy I was burning just trying to keep the peace — I made the decision to stop. Not dramatically. Just... done.

Note: Those of us with any type of neurodivergence can be particularly susceptible to energy vampires, because if they know this, they will latch on and blame any miscommunication on our particular ND. And people wonder why we get so good at masking.

So here’s your nudge: if you’re feeling chronically drained, take a look around. The culprit isn’t always your to-do list. Sometimes it’s a person. Do you feel more exhausted after talking to someone than before? Do you find yourself dreading or rehearsing conversations, replaying interactions, or constantly second-guessing your own words? That’s worth paying attention to.

In Part 2, I’ll break down the specific types of energy vampires you’re likely to encounter and how to protect yourself from each of them — because Colin Robinson isn’t the only model.

In the meantime, I’m headed back to my art studio to finish emptying all the things. Then, it’s getting recarpeted and repainted, and it’s going to be the first fully finished room as we work our way toward France. One layer at a time.

Today, I’m wearing a t-shirt I had designed years ago but someone on Amazon picked up again (it’s okay - I didn’t want to sell my t-shirt design, so whatever) that has an illustration of a crab holding a knife in its claw and it says, “Keep Calm and Feel Stabby.” I wear this shirt when I’m feeling particularly ready to jump someone’s shit if they look at me funny and as a reminder NOT to completely dysregulate. The last few weeks have been a lot, especially dealing with the day-to-day while also dealing with the horrors that the goons in our US administration are committing to distract from the horrors they’ve been committing for decades.

But, wait a minute! This Substack is supposed to be about decluttering and selling a house in the US and moving to France, right? Yes, it is. But it’s also more: it’s my personal journey; the business I’m building to take with me; what brought me to this desire to move before retirement; and the things I have learned or studied that might be of benefit to someone else. Now that we’ve established that, I’ll get back to the topic at hand.

See, most people think that ADHD is simply about being hyperactive or un-focused, but this particular type of neurodivergence also comes with a neat little package of extremely intense and over-the-top emotions when feelings of overwhelm are happening. It’s a real pain in the ass, y’all. And just about everything these days is overwhelming, considering the actions of the US administration and other events in the world. Trying to plug along day after day and move forward toward our long-desired plans to move to France while also grieving what’s happening in our country today and that we are once again in a war we were promised would not happen can be…difficult.

Part of dysregulation for anyone, but especially for those of us who have ADHD is that when there are too many things to do–too many choices–we shut down and don’t get anything done. Those of us who grew up undiagnosed heard often that we were lazy, and we internalized that, because we had gotten nothing done from the chore list we were given. But that feeling of being stuck and paralyzed is NOT laziness. It’s actually your inner voice, and it is trying to protect you. Because if you don’t get started, you’ll never fail. Procrastination most often comes from feelings of overwhelm and fear of messing up, not a lack of motivation or “willpower.”

For the last two weeks, those feelings have only been amplified by what’s going on around us. It’s very difficult to stay motivated to de-clutter, make home repairs, and pack what’s coming with us to France when we are struck by all of the atrocities going on in our country and the world; my fallback appears to be getting lost in YouTube videos about France or to doomscroll social media. But, if we stop moving forward, we will never realize that dream.

When I’m feeling stuck, or overwhelmed with all of the things that need doing, I’ve developed a few tricks that might help to move forward again–without getting stabby (these are choose your own adventure, by the way):

1. Start tiny. Vague, big tasks make you feel overwhelmed with where to start. For example, instead of “I have to declutter my kitchen,” go with, “I’m going to clean out this ONE drawer.” Starting small helps you get past the dread instead of fighting it and will give you momentum.

2. Anchor yourself to what you’re doing. I mean, if it takes a real anchor, okay, but I prefer a metaphorical one. I have pretty extreme ADHD. Even telling myself that I’m going to stick with one drawer, I get distracted. For example, I might pull something out of the drawer that makes more sense in another part of the house. Rather than walking the item there, which will sidetrack me into doing something else, I put a basket in my way. RIGHT in my way–I advise that you let anyone else in the house know what you’re doing, so they don’t trip over the basket and stumble forward flapping their arms like a cartoon character trying not to faceplant a hole into the drywall. Ask me how I know. Everything that doesn’t belong in the room I’m working in goes into that basket. When I’m finished doing the task, THEN I can take the basket and walk things back to where they belong.

3. Get on a Facetime or a Zoom and talk to a friend while you work. Even better, having a friend in the room to talk to and laugh with can help calm the mind and get you started.

4. Tie your small task to an instant reward. You don’t have to re-organize an entire room before rewarding yourself. Pair a boring job with something you really enjoy. Save your favorite podcast until you’re folding and putting away laundry. Or, put on your favorite artist or decade of music with a good workout beat (I’m still loving Janelle Monáe tracks to get me moving as well as building up women with her lyrics) while cleaning the floor or painting a room. Make yourself feel better while doing the task, not just when you’re finished.

5. Celebrate the tiny tasks! Don’t wait until the whole thing is done. I’m a big fan of dopamine. It doesn’t have to be a big celebration or involve a whole bunch of calories, by the way. It could simply be taking a walk or going and sniffing the neighbor’s flowers or for me, sitting down to do a little sketch.

6. Lower the bar on purpose. If your first draft is messy or bad, that’s okay. PROGRESS is more important than perfection (I’ve told myself this while writing…this). I find that this helps me most often when I’m being creative by writing or painting. Give yourself permission to suck with the first draft. Embrace messy action!

7. Race the clock. Now, I despise playing some timed games. They just make me nervous and I get scattered and my brain short circuits. However, for chores, setting a timer works for me. For example, if I need to wash the dishes (with two of us, the dishwasher is often just used as a drying rack), I might set a timer and say, “I will finish this in 10 minutes!” That seems too short, but it works. A lot of organizing experts say that the time you SET for a task is usually the time it takes to do the task. Need to fold and put away laundry? Set yourself a time to beat, like 10 minutes or less and GO. These short bursts make it feel much less serious and you’ll be surprised at how much you can do in a short time. I’m currently cleaning out my art studio, and I’m going to take my own advice tomorrow and set a timer to pack one box of items to keep, and two boxes to get rid of. Maybe 25 minutes. Seems totally unreasonable to me, but it’s a challenge.

I realize that I just added to my list. When I’m feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed, I make lists (like the one above). How to calm your brain lists, tricks to push past overwhelm lists, lists of your favorite artists’ works - whatever puts you in that creative thinking space and focuses your mind on one thing.

Thanks for coming with me on this little journey. I feel somewhat less stabby now (Don’t. Test. Me.) For my creative mindset practice (I’ll tell you about that soon), all of the things I’ve listed above can apply when you’re feeling stuck creatively, too.

So, friends, when you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you might be nearing the point of stabbiness as well, take a breath, focus in on one small thing, and give yourself a break from the mess out there.

Forward to France!

I’m Kristen, an older GenX woman, and my husband and I are fixing up our North Carolina home to sell, downsizing decades of stuff, and preparing to move ourselves, our pets, and our businesses to France.

I invite you to follow along as we navigate home repairs, purging the unnecessary, dealing with the stressors and anxiety here in the US and obtaining visas to France, and planning our life abroad. From discussing our lives in this United States to visa research, I’m sharing the real, messy, and exciting road to our dream life in France.

Have you ever dreamed about moving to another country? Well, we have too — for a very long time. Now, we’re finally doing it. My husband Dale and I, along with our two cats and our little dog, are planning to move to France. But first… we have 30 years’ worth of stuff to deal with, a house to fix up, and a whole international move to plan (did anyone hear Prince Humperdinck’s voice when you read that?). Let me begin with a little bit of our story.

Hello - I’m Kristen, and I’ve been hanging out here on Substack for awhile, but this is my first post. I am an artist, writer, creative coach, and generally a loud-mouthed activist in the little free time I have while decluttering, packing, and fixing up our house here in the US to sell.

On the activist front, there have been a few people who have questioned our desire to move to France while this country appears to be moving into authoritarianism and where the powerful can get away with running sex trafficking rings and doing harm to children, all while taking our rights away.

“Aren’t you running away?” they have asked. I thought about that and, while we are moving toward that goal sooner, we are running to our dreams and not only away from this situation. My anxiety won’t go away even after we’ve moved. I’ll still be advocating for people and calling my state representatives to keep the pressure on them. These are things we can still do over there without sacrificing our own dreams.

I decided to write this for the others of you who dream of moving abroad but feel paralyzed and overwhelmed about how to get started and what to work toward. If you’re in the US, you might be anxious about being able to get out at all before things come tumbling down. I share those anxieties, but rather than freezing up, I’m simply choosing to do it afraid and continue to move forward.

To keep taking one step at a time.

On this channel, I’ll be sharing our step-by-step process — from massive decluttering, home repairs, and prepping our house for sale… to visa applications, moving logistics, and eventually settling into our new life in France.

If you’ve ever dreamed about simplifying your life, starting over, or moving abroad — you’re in the right place. I’ll be sharing the real ups and downs, lessons learned, and hopefully, some inspiration too.

So hit subscribe if you want to follow along — and let’s get started.